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Total Eclipse of the Fart/The British are coming

The title of this post really has nothing to do with where this post (and it may take a while) will eventually lead. I just had Total Eclipse of the Heart in my head. Turn around.....

and because I have a little 7th grade boy in me I started thinking it would have been funnier if the song was called Total Eclipse of the Fart. Then I got to thinking about a fun game I have played a time or two with a group of friends and just maybe an adult beverage (or roadie) in a huggie (or koozy) where you change the name of a normal TV show or movie to something a little more racy. Like...

Doogie Hoser M.D.

Star Whores

Titanic

Romancing the Bone

Ole Yeller

.....I could go on and on

and then I got to giggling. Pretty hard.

and then I got to thinking about what happened to me yesterday morning, and I got to laughing pretty hard. It was either laugh or cry. Laughing is always better.

Yesterday morning I awoke to phone calls, text messages, and emails asking if I was ok. Was I in London. How was London. Could I pick up a Big Ben calendar while I was in London. How did I get to London, etc and so on and so forth. (lucky for me most of my friends have a REALLY good sense of humor)

WHY these questions you ask???

You may recall that a while back I had some illegal type activity (I was the victim, not the criminal) going on that involved my email account. I did not close said account (my bad). I opened another account and slowly tried to pick up the pieces and move on.

Anyone that was in the contact list of my old account (and it was a rather large contact list) received the email below yesterday morning:

Hi,

I am writing this with tears in my eyes, sorry I did not inform you about my trip. I actually made a quick travel to London and unfortunately attacked and mugged at gun point on the way to my hotel, all cash, credit cards and cell were stolen off me but luckily I still have my passport with me. I've been to the embassy and the Police here but they're helping issues at all and my return flight leaves anytime from now but I'm having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let me leave until I settle the bills.

Am freaked out at the moment.

SARAH D.

~~~~~~

I am NOT in London. Due to some volcanic ash problems I don't even think I could go to London if I wanted. I'd tell you if I were going. I don't even have a passport. I need to walk quite a few more 5k's before I am "passport picture" ready.

This email is part of what is called a phishing scam (adding the ph makes it sound so much more glam). "they" hack into an account and send the email to all contacts and hope that someone takes the bait and sends money.

If you were a lucky recipient of the above email and responded to it, you were given info on where to wire money to. I HOPE that no one did (if you want to give me money I can give you my personal address).

After doing a little checking, it seems that I am not the first person this has happened to. If you ask around you will find someone or someone who knows someone who has a similar story.

It seems that this time it was random. This time it was not personal.

I'm not sitting on the loo smoking a fag, talking on the telly.

Getting ready to eat some blood pudding.

Taking my baby for a walk in his pram and then changing his dirty nappy.

Just another installment in the reality show that is my life.

On this weeks very special episode.......

God Save the Queen!

Tally ho!

Harry and the dog

Harrison LOVES the dog. He likes to play with her, he likes to chase her, most of all he likes to feed her.

Harry likes to come in the kitchen and "beg" for some sort of food. I give it to him. He gives it to Fiona. After three plus days of this you would think I would learn. I still fall for it every time.

I am not sure how much Harry has had to eat since we got the dog, I think most of the food I put on his plate goes to the dog. Since he is my second child, I am going to go with the "he'll eat when he is hungry" school of thought.

Paying homage to a Queen

Dixie Carter died this past weekend. It hit me hard. Harder than I could have imagined it would. Elgance, class, and grace. A true lady is what she was.

I have posted this clip many times, but it would not be a fitting tribute to her without sharing it again.

This is my pump me up, get ready to kick some ass, pick me up when I am down speech. I am glad that I have been blessed with sisters and friends that are Julia Sugarbakers. I hope you have at least one in your life.

You heard me right, we got a dog

Meet Fiona, the newest member of our family.

She's three years old.

We adopted her from some friends of ours who her were her foster parents.

Prince Harry and Princess Fiona

Harry just loves her!!!!

Jack on the other hand....

well, he is learning to like her and

he sure enjoys riding along on his bike when I take her for a walk.

Damn

I'm fat. I know it. I'm pretty honest about it. I've never been skinny so I don't really have anything to compare it to. Recently I have made the decision to try to lose some pounds. I have no visions of appearing on the cover of Life and Style in a bikini , I just would like to be able to-for once- turn left instead of right when I walk into Fashion Bug. I gave up the cookie dough. I have been working out. Drinking less diet coke and more water (water is gross, no fizz). I've lost some pounds. I actually have surprised myself with my success so far. On top of my diet and exercise regime my sister Michelle and I have been walking together. We usually have a kid or three with us. Pushing a stroller seems to give one more of a work-out. Since we were doing so well walking we decided to take our show on the road and signed up for our very first 5k. Last Saturday's dam run at Lake Sara.

The first step was figuring out how far 5K was. 3.1 miles. We were pretty sure we had been walking at least 10 miles most nights, but decided to walk a little farther the night before as part of our training. After our training walk we hopped in my rental van to measure our route. To our disappointment it was 3 miles exactly. 3 miles was longer than we thought.

We carbo loaded on tortillas that night at chips and sauce.

The morning of the 5k it was raining, but aint nothing gonna break our stride. We headed to Lake Sara, parked and made our way into the sign up area. We both immediately realized we were out of our element. A lot of professional looking people doing stretches and stuff. It was a good thing I did not bring my diet coke in with me (I said I cut down, I did not give it up). Only bottles of water were being consumed. Not a pretty silver and red can in sight.

We made it to sign up (since Michelle usually shaves a few years off of her age, I had signed her up as 29 years old, later I realized that a competitive walk is not the time to lie about ones age) and got our numbers. Once again we were clueless as to how to affix the numbers to ourselves. Most of the other women in attendance were not members in good standing of the well endowed club as Michelle and I are. We finally got our number placed in acceptable area and headed for the starting line.

Before the race
We were amazed at the crowd

The back of the t-shirt each participant received.

Dam run!

Ok, part of the reason we did it was to say damn as much as possible.

Ever seen Vegas Vacation? Chevy Chase at the Hoover dam?

Get your dam souvenirs...

Awaiting the starting gun.

There was no starting gun.

That was a disappointment.

And we were off......

Only a quarter mile in.

To early to ask for oxygen?

Water break.

Since I watch to much TV I was worried that,like a Seinfeld episode, my cup

would be filled with hot coffee.

It was ok to throw your cup on the ground.

I asked.

Someone was going to pick them up.

I'm glad that was not my job.

I hope whoever had to do that got a free t-shirt.

Michelle rehydrates.

My suggestion for next year--provide fountain sodas.

I think more people would do it if there was free fountain sodas.

You know I am right, look how many people buy Polar Pops.

Dam we were hot.

A lady walking behind us saw me attempting to take our picture and offered to take one for us.

I gave her the camera and she and her partners got ahead of us and snapped this

action shot.

Michelle was pretty sure that she was not nice.

They just wanted to get ahead of us.

dam, I think she was right.
~~~~

The finish line was in site.

I was hoping the Chariots of Fire theme would be playing as we crossed.

There were people lined up cheering as we made our way to the end.

We both gave them our best Miss America wave.

We made it!

We finished.

Not such a bad time.

I would say two minutes could be taken off due to time spent taking pictures.



After we crossed the finish line we were both given medals.

You may be shocked to know that Michelle or I neither one are very sporty.

We are very good at watching Newton Eagle football and I like to think of myself as a

fairly proficient badminton player, but neither of us had ever gotten any type of award for physical activity so this medal was kind of a big deal.

We would like to thank God for making this possible.

Our families. Most of all our fans. Without them we do this for nothing.

~~~~~~~~

THIS IS FOR ALL THE FAT GIRLS!!!!!!!

On top of the shirt and medal we were also given a huggie (koozy in Ashley speak) filled with a

free bottle of water! This day just kept getting better.

~~~~~~

Our kids all modeled the medals that their Mother's had won.

~~~~~~~~~

Michelle is signing us up for our next 5K walk.

I'm in as long as we get a medal and a t-shirt.

Easter: Twenty Ten. The best of times, the worst of times.

Jack woke us up this morning to what he immediately declared was the best Easter evah!!

The Easter bunny had brought him a Touch-n-Brush!!

Jack is a huge fan of any "as seen on TV" products and this was number one on his wish list.
It even came with the Sonic 4x toothbrush!

By the time we left for church he had brushed his teeth so much that his gums bled.

The Easter bunny (aka our fab neighbor across the street, Lola)

left the boys a basket with dollar filled eggs. That is my kind of Easter bunny!

Prince Harry blessed his parents with the best Easter present of all,
a sleep filled night! We had to wake him up!
(notice the bed head)

Me and my boys before church

Harry and Jack sporting their matching ties

Man they looked cute...

After church we headed to my parents for lunch and egg hunting

(why do we hunt eggs on Easter?? The Lord has risen. Fill plastic eggs and hide them.

Was that in the Bible?) Jack's earache that he had mentioned earlier, but forgot about because of his repetitive touch-n-brush use, began to hurt again. We ended up leaving mid meal. It was too bad because what I had was REALLY good. Jack then declared it the WORST Easter ever and said that besides his touch-n-brush NOTHING good was going to happen to him that day.

Sadly I left behind my tray of Twyla Harvey egg shaped, frosted sugar cookies.

These things are little Easter miracles.

So good. No Easter will be complete for my family without them from now on.

Jack and I headed home for some R & R (why does that term always make me think of M*A*S*H?). Cliff and Harry headed to his family Easter where Harry got to do some egg hunting.

After a nap, bath, and some frozen pizza Jack seems to have made a full recovery.

Only time will tell if this Easter will go down in the books

as the best or worst.

Hope yours was hoppy!